Well hello 2017,
I have high hopes for you!
Each year has brought me up the mountain of life, with stunning views of “what is” and “what could be.” Each passing year delivered life lessons and a new hope and determination for “what’s next.” I didn’t always sit in the stillness and review a prior year’s passing with the intentionality as I have for the past five years or so, and that’s okay. The lessons were embodied deep in my soul and I still grew but now, I look forward to long periods–(hours, even days) of introspection, (along with conversation with those who will partake), gratitude, acceptance and all the emotions that come with it–in time spent well.
In the olden days, I may not have had the fortitude and capacity to handle the emotions of a year in review. But one of the gifts of 2016 was a complete “turning over” the Emotional Escape I participated in for two straight, “not fully-felt” years. I finally surrendered completely and utterly. That’s when the healing came. Six months later and 10.5 pounds lighter, I am able to experience all my emotions.
Somehow, I survived.
I’m still alive!
I see more. I’m living “more.” (Yet, not doing more.) I feel “more.”
I experience sadness in the very depths of my innards. Feelings of sadness (waves of pain) reach down to my toes and spread upward, past my nose, missing no part of me. The losses of loved ones and acquaintances affected me deeply in 2016. I think of a friend of more than 35 years, who is “gone,” because of my “faith” (and perhaps my sobriety?)– “It separated us, Laura”…echoes inside me.
Acceptance stinks! But codependence is not an option today. I have to “let go.” (Afterall, I gave up Codependence in 2010!)
The loss of my friend’s son Robert to cancer at the age of 8 still brings tears to my face. I feel her pain in my being on every single holiday.
Being emotionally present, sober, and so called “healthy” does not feel good, despite it’s claims.
One of the precious plusses of 2016 was a new friend added to my life’s lists of contacts.
My new, 91 year old friend Maxine, whom I met on a park bench in August added a new layer of richness to my already rich, full life. If we could all slow down to sit on a park bench for an hour to see what surprises God has for us, we might all have a “Maxine.” Her sweet and spunky spirit and life well lived (and thankfully, shared) brings hope to mine.
Eden and Alena, two little girls we had the privilege of fostering on a respite basis on several occasions changed me, perhaps more than anything in 2016. Their stories of abuse pained and touched me so deeply. How we humans treat other humans is truly astonishing. It was a blessing and honor to love on them like I’ve been loved on by the Lord: wholly and unconditionally. While with them, I learned in 2016, that indeed, Love conquers all.
All we really want, I’ve discovered in 2016, is Love and Acceptance.
As you reflect and review your own past year and look upon the new year before you, ask yourself with intentionality and Truth:
What were your losses in 2016?
What experiences—good and bad—taught you about you and your life?
How are you changed by 2016?
What will you bring forward?
How did your heart grow?
What will you accept and what will you let go of?
How will you help yourself or others in 2017?
I hope your reflection will bring you to a new, beautiful vista of “what can be.”
May you be filled with the Hope of Love and Acceptance in this new year!