We all lose a part of ourselves during various phases of life. Sometimes we lose ourselves while in a relationship; maybe we are with a person who is threatened, intimidated or annoyed with one of our hobbies or interests. Some of us are people-pleasers and this makes it even easier to lose a part of our selves to gain favor with those we are trying to impress. At times, we lose a part of ourselves to illness or injury. I recently sprained my ankle and found it not only physically difficult to do the things I was used to, but also emotionally painful to lose my sense of freedom. As I’m recovering, I’m regaining the freedoms I had taken for granted like walking, instead of crawling, hopping, limping or leaning.
There are also times in our lives where fear, shame, rejection and guilt keep us from doing something we once enjoyed. Maybe someone close to you made a comment about something you loved doing and that comment impacted you more than you realize. Perhaps it was enough for you to stop doing what you loved. That happened to me. I used to love bike riding—any kind of riding– the slow, easy ride through the neighborhood, somewhat adventurous trail biking and also a nice long road-ride—many miles for the sheer fun of it and also for triathlon competition.
I remember hearing that riding was”not meant to be done solo…but with someone.” It’s embarrassing to admit, but that caused me to question who I was and what I was doing (how could I be so self-centered and doing this without them?). That would have been okay if that special someone were available to join me, but that was not the case. I held that person in high esteem and they had too much power over me, and with mere words. Soon after that hobby-halting comment (…and halting only because I allowed it with my people-pleasing personality), I hung up my bike. Years passed and I would see it hanging there, beckoning me, but I seemed to be frozen in inaction.
Recently, I heard a friend talk about an upcoming ride and the excitement associated with it. That stirred something deep within me: memories of something I greatly enjoyed. I had a rekindling of a tiny spark within me and the freedom and joy I felt while riding. My friend offered to accompany me to a bike shop where I reclaimed an important part of me: the rider in me. I left hours later with a new road bike, some great new gear and piece of my Self that had been long gone.
As you look back on your life, what part of you has been long gone?
What part of your Self will you reclaim?