I don’t know.
I say that a lot in response to questions I’m asked these days. My 11 year old typically replies, “Jeez Mom, you don’t know much!” And I laugh.
The truth is there is something wonderful and freeing in “I don’t know.”
There was a time when I knew EVERYTHING! If I didn’t know it, I might even act like I did. (Can anyone relate to that?) I grew up with the kind of messaging that said:
“Look good for ‘blankety-blank’-sakes!”
“Don’t you know anything?!”
“Don’t share the family stuff!”
“Don’t admit it!” And,
“For gosh-sakes, don’t ask for help (ya big baby)!”
These are old, tired, binding and useless messages that no longer work for me. They never did work, except to give me a completely fake and puffed-up confidence you could pop with the slightest prick of criticism. I’ve since discarded these well-intentioned-words and Thanks be to God. I’m not a child anymore. As children, we tend to do what we’re told, like little responsive robots, with no brains (depending on who’s reading this, sometimes that’s good, sometimes it’s not so much). Today, I have an opportunity to try new things and give myself permission to have new, positive messaging.
Some of my faves are:
“We got this!” There is something beautiful about the word “we” and I love the comfort “we” provides. We are not alone. For me, “we” includes God the Father, the giver of life and of everything. He’s got us. And He provides wonderful, safe people who help us along our journeys. I have many of these “we” kind of people and I hope you do too.
“Ask, and you shall receive!” I’ve found this message from God’s word to be miraculous. When I ask, I seem to get what I need, maybe not how I expect it and certainly not when I think I should have “it.” It’s funny to realize that in fact, people can’t read our minds! We have to tell people we need their help and their prayer. Not only that, but God wants us to ask Him. It’s His privilege and honor when we turn to Him for our needs. Once we ask for it, we need to look out, because God tends to deliver answers in His own way every single time. It’s fun to watch and see what He’ll do in response to the “ask”—in most cases, He gives me more than I could have imagined. I love to ask for the Father’s help.
“When I am weak, then I am strong.” This is the crux of the “I don’t know.” When I can go to this place of weakness and humility of not knowing everything there is to know, I’m saying “I don’t, but God does.” I don’t have to understand. I can just relax in who I am (weak and human) and I can fully rely on God and who He is (God. God! He is God and I am not, whew). I love how it works. I’m feeble and weak and puny (particularly puny). But He is not. The Creator of the Universe has the power to work in and through me and He can “bring it” in a way I can’t. All I have to do is ask. All I have to do is say, I can’t. I don’t know. I give. Help me.
I don’t know why we have to act like we have it all together. See?! I don’t know. Now you try it. You’ll see how this works. I just don’t know! And I don’t have to know. Except to know this: I’m going to keep saying I don’t know. I admit. I need help. I’m weak.
I don’t know!
I hope you can find freedom in it too.
What don’t you know?