Laura Fay pictured with her beloved, 16-year-old daughter, Natalie
“I wish I had a different story,” I said to a friend, many years ago while in shame over my painfully public and deeply embarrassing story. My sweet, supportive, and encouraging friend had a beautiful, inspiring story. Oh, how I hungered for one like hers! At a young age, she committed her life to God, wanting to obey Him and serve Him in whatever way He called her to.
That was not my story!
I had wandered in the wilderness of life for 40 plus years, outwardly successful, but inwardly struggling, searching and empty. I wreaked havoc, hurting people through my actions, causing others pain which I deeply regret. I had a wake-up call over a decade ago where I saw that my drinking was clouding my judgment and was the cause of a significant part of my life’s struggles. Putting down the alcohol thirteen years ago brought me to a place of clarity where I could see the real root of my many struggles: my inherently selfish, sinful, and rebellious nature.
I did things I really did not want to do, even while I knew they were wrong.
What changed everything was a sober decision to surrender “my way” for God’s way. I relinquished control of my life. In return, God gave me a new start and a new story. The old story will always be there, reminding me of how I do not want to live: my way. The old story reminds me of the painful consequences for my wrong, selfish, hurtful behavior.
I now live a rich, meaningful, purpose-filled life. I found what I was searching for: peace, contentment, deep joy, and most of all, my wrongs made right with God. I will admit my wrongs have not been made right with all those I have hurt, and I hope that one day I will have a God-given opportunity to settle those wrongs.
Jesus said, “With God, all things are possible” (Matt 19:26) and I believe that if God can change this wretched sinner’s life, He can most certainly change anyone’s!
His way is paradoxical. He uses my very worst offenses and ethical breaches to help others in a way that seems unfathomable. The very thing I did that hurt others, He uses me–as an instrument– to help others, perhaps showing them the worst that could happen or the hope that only He can offer. I do not have to understand how He does what He does, I can just witness it.
I work with alcoholics like me, addicts, adulterers, the suicidal, victims of abuse, people struggling in marriages or relationships, singles trying to raise godly kids, people searching for purpose and identity—people like me wanting a new way and a new story.
If I can have a new story–despite my old one– then anyone can.
Laura and Natalie, with Mia, their Malti-poo